I've heard everything now. At least I think I have. The New York Daily News ran an article this morning about an attorney who objected to opposing counsel's use of a rather buxom paralegal sitting at counsel's table as a distraction for the jury.
From the article:
"Lawyer accused of distracting his opponent with a sexy paralegal says back off - that's his wife.
Chicago attorney Dmitry Foefanov is furious that rival lawyer Thomas Gooch accused him of exploiting assistant Daniella Atencia's assets to "draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings."
"Personally, I like large breasts," Gooch said this week. "However, I object to somebody I don't think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table -- when there's already two lawyers there -- dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself."
Foefanov is particularly disgusted by Gooch's words because Atencia is not just his paralegal but his wife, he revealed in a statement to the Daily News.
"Recent negative comments about my wife leave me no choice but to respond," he wrote. "Ms. Atencia is quite shocked at the tenor of comments pertaining to her physical appearance and regarding her qualifications and professionalism, especially since the latter make those claims without a shred of evidence."
He also fired back at Gooch's claim that Atencia was in court for any reason other than her paralegal skills, calling her "over-qualified" and maintaining that she has been in court with him on each of his cases since 2008.
"If there is a problem with decorum in the court room, our judges are capable of addressing it as it arises, not based on conjecture and innuendo," he said. "Ms. Atencia resents this violation of her privacy and thinks it is unprofessional to subject her to attacks on her abilities and qualifications just because she comes to court to assist me in trying cases."
In addition to her paralegal duties, Foefanov said Atencia serves as the office manager, secretary, and bill-payer for her husband's one-man law practice.
"She thinks the comments made about her have no place in the twenty-first century," he said.
My personal opinion (as a generously endowed woman myself) is that in addition to halting these sexist, inappropriate remarks, the objecting lawyer needs to get himself on down to Lens Crafters immediately.